Sunday, October 27, 2013

D-day: 4 years ago today.

While the "natural" effect this anniversary has on me is of course expected, the intensity always knocks the wind out of me.

It's as if those moments happened yesterday where we were told our baby's condition is "incompatible with life"

My first thought on those words today are full of gratefulness for the doctor's attempt at trying to use caution in delivering news that no matter how it was worded would never be gentle on the ears nor the heart.

There is no right way to tell someone their loved one is not going to live long or if at all.  A baby's fatal diagnosis is no exception.

We were strangers to him and though our first and only meeting happened under these painful circumstances I think as fondly as one can of a messenger who brings such heartbreaking news.

I feel his consideration and his intent to speak with such care and gentleness speaks highly of his character.  I will forever be grateful for his compassion in such a difficult position for any of us to have been in.

This day and the days leading up to it were emotional for me.  I have been an emotional mess. Crying at every song, every memory that we had with her. Especially for every memory we will never get a chance to have.

October 27 was the day we were told the most difficult of news to hear. Although it hurts like hell I am grateful to remember it like it was yesterday.  Any memory where all four of my children existed here together is worth all the pain that missing Lilly brings into my heart.


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