Sunday, February 28, 2016

Our Sixth Angel Day

It has been six years to the day that we said goodbye to Lilly. It has been a journey filled with highs and lows with me being at my best and me being at my worst.

Everything I have learned along the way I know has a purpose has a meaning. I may not be able to see it in the moment but I know I will in the future.

I had forgotten to trust and not resist His plan for me as a dear friend Sheila once taught me.

Lilly loved unconditionally and I aspire to live my life loving without condition just as she showed me and where I am not able to I am at least working on being kind.

Everyone deserves kindness in their life. You never know what journey anyone is walking. What they are going through and I feel the world needs a lot more kindness. I have seen such a lack of it myself included and I want to work on eradicating that from my life. 

Mother Teresa had a saying that I love to aspire to follow.  She said :  

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway

Missing her, that will never change so to the people in my life who respect my journey and know I do not blog or talk about her for attention, and who know I am grateful for the living children I have here with me. You all are more appreciated than there are words to express and you all each know who you are.

Thank you for everything! For your love and constant support. For not judging me or my journey. It means more you know and I could ever hope to express. ♡♡♡♡

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I will never be 100% happy and that is OK

For those of you who think I am on some high horse or I think I am better than anyone. I am not. I know that I am far from perfect. That my life is far from perfect.

I love my life and would not trade it for the world but I will always miss one of my children and be sad that I don't get to hug her when she cries or read bedtime stories to her or hug her and Hold on to her wishing she would stay little. I will always wish she could have just stayed.

Don't get me wrong I am not bitter that I don't have her for I would never trade being her mother.  Just know that I don't think I am perfect. I don't think I am better than you. I know that I am far from it and all that I try to do is be worthy to be my children's mother everyday.

I hurt more than I will ever let anyone know because I want others to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's a great amazing feeling. 

I know what it feels like to hurt so please know I would never intentionally hurt anyone but I do have to protect my own heart for its been through a lot.

I am human. I do get sad and that is ok.

For those of you who think I use losing my daughter to get attention that's ok too. I hope you never have to understand how so untrue that is.

I miss her every day and that will never change but I live my life so that I might honor her. I want all my children to be proud to call me their mom and not because I am "better" than someone else's mother but because I am better than the me I was the day before.



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