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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Grieving vs Obsession and some ramblings

   I believe some people misconstrue my grieving as obsession.  If they want to define my thinking about all my children (living and deceased) every day as obsession, then I am guilty as charged. Do I talk about my grief, absolutely, but I think people fail to notice I also talk about my life and my living children's accomplishments as well as milestone moments.  This blog was specifically started in Lilly's name and I find it has been therapeutic in a way, my main topic of discussion will be my journey and growth through learning to live my life without one of my children.  It is also a way for me to keep my daughter's memory alive.

  I talk about all four of my children daily and just as much.  With my living children, there are new occurrences and milestones everyday.  As they grow there will be more stories.  My grief and joy are intertwined with how Lilly's story will grow and change.  There are days where something occurs where I feel she is right there with me, and I talk about those occurrences with those who are willing to listen.

  I understand that not everyone wants to talk about a "dead baby" or about death for that matter.  To me when a person dies, we celebrate their life, however long or short it may have been.  No one's life is any less important regardless of how little or how long they have lived.  Every life matters, every life is important.

  As a parent before loss I thought about my children everyday, all the time.  Nothing has changed, I think about all my children all the time.  To me EACH one of my children is as important as the other.  I love them all equally.  They are all different and have different personalities and I love them for that among MILLIONS of other reasons.  So again, if all this is considered obsession then I am guilty as charged.  I do know that this type of grief can become overwhelming just as any emotion can, but it is a very different kind of overwhelming emotion.  And it is an emotion that I have just recently come into contact with so again I am still learning how to live with this.  I have no choice, this is my cross to bear and I am willing to bear it proudly but it can be difficult at times.  I think we as humans are very resilient and I believe that the Almighty has been helping me along the way, because I truly do not know how else I could do this.  I would be lost without Him.

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