Saturday, September 7, 2013

There is always HOPE

Woke up again to that feeling. That huge weight of dread in my heart and the pit of my stomach. It's been awhile since I have felt it this strongly. Just a reminder that it can hit you hard at any moment.

The second year of Lilly's death has so far been the hardest. It took me a year and a half to stop feeling so heavy. Needless to say, it was a very rough year for me.

Whenever this feeling pops up and hits me so hard I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me.

During that year I was not my best self, though I did still participate just with weights on my ankles. And then the guilt weighs in for the things that suffer.

Coming out of the pit I feel I can say for me I am better for it. I learned from that time in my life and feel more prepared for lack of a better word. And not prepared in the sense that it won't be as strong when it hits me. Just so much that I can KNOW there is light at the end of such a dark tunnel. That thought alone will help me get through it.

I lost my daughter it's ok that things will be harder for me and that my emotions will be so raw and tender.

So today as I feel that anguish in my heart it reminds me she was here. She existed. And I know that whether this feeling lasts for mere seconds longer or years, eventually I will feel less of the weight of it for another cycle someday. There is always hope!

Another lesson I feel my daughter has taught me.


Related Posts with Thumbnails