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Monday, August 16, 2010

5 month mark #2

    This is so late I know.  This mark was the toughest on the kids and the six month mark is fast approaching and with everything going on I just have not had time to post and I feel I need to. This is my outlet for my emotions and I feel so much better after releasing my emotions in words so its been difficult since I have not been doing this even through my own private journal.

 Without going into details the 28th of July was the roughest on the kids.  It was very hard on our oldest daughter and it was so difficult to watch as I knew there was nothing I could do to fix this pain.

   A lot has happened since then as well, that I will get into later.  Its just been such a roller coaster ride and it seems the further away time gets from our time with Lilly, it seems more difficult.  I am still functioning in every day life.  I think also being busy and not having time to cry gets to me too.  I don't remember the last time I had a good hard cry about losing Lilly and I think that is very important to have.  I feel it may catch up with me soon.

    Its sometimes overwhelming to have all of life's activities and happenings thrown at you and then on top of it I am still grieving.  So many emotions and things to keep track of sometimes gets a bit overwhelming.  That's when I just need to breathe and pause.  It just feels like my day is filled with something at every turn and I hardly have time for myself.

    I know it gets like this and then subsides but when its here its here and strong.  I have tried to organize things to make it easier but then it just seems like I just can't catch up.  I know it will all be OK and I will have that at peace feeling which I love so much, I just have to get through the overwhelming stage right now.

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