Another family get together since Lilly passed away. It was an amazing and fun day spent with my kids and my nephews and my in laws. A day filled with many activities including water balloon and water gun fights, laughter, sparklers, and cupcakes. So much in one day and when it was all said and done, as I sat on the couch next to my husband, was when I had my moment. Jim asked me if I was alright and I told him that I was having a moment. I teared up and held his hand and was prepared to go to the bathroom to have a cry (we were at my SIL). The moment passed but it was a hard moment and I could feel the tears welling up and my throat tightening. I miss her so much and will always have these "moments" as I refer to them. It is hard in that I feel during the moment that it will never end and the pain will be that unbearable forever and in a way it will. The pain of losing Lilly will ALWAYS be unbearable, and I feel it is just the intensity of how hard these moments will hit me that will come and go throughout the rest of my life. Some "moments" will be harder than others.
This week I will only have one of my children with me as the older two are visiting with Grandma and Paw Paw. I know this week will be difficult as this is the first time since Lilly passed away that I have been separated from them. I will have many moments this week, in fact I'm surprised I am doing as well as I am but I think my anticipation lessens the actual reaction for me. It also helps that I do have one of my children with me.
I have always felt that though I have had my moments that I am doing OK in that I am allowing myself the freedom to grieve the best way I know how which is right for me. I also give all the credit to God in that I have leaned on him a LOT. I was given a gift for my birthday; a tiny frame with this saying
"God does not give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we are given"
These words are perfect and I am so glad that they made their way into my life and I thank you Rhonda for that. I believe that God has truly helped us and I do not know how I would be doing without His strength and guidance and unconditional love.
Monday, July 5, 2010
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Missing Lilly with you. Holidays are so hard and family get togethers can be even more of a reminder of who is missing. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI had moments this weekend too, and they took me a little off guard. Just having my kids down the street at Nana's for an overnight is hard for me, and it can just be one that is gone. Those moments are so hard. Thank you for putting them into words that can somewhat explain them.
ReplyDeleteThose moments are so very hard and there is no way to stop them or know when they will come. I will be thinking about you this week while your babies are away. I can not imagine that would be easy. Lilly and your other children are so blessed to call you mama! I love the saying on your frame. It is so true! Big hugs and many prayers to you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your Lilly. The holidays always seem to be the hardest, especially with family get togethers. There's always that someone missing... (((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteI had a few moments too...never ceases to amaze me how the realization of someone always missing really just hits me.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!
Hi Elena...I love that saying...and I have a plaque with it in my kitchen. I like it much better than the other saying that's similar. I've even blogged about that a couple times. Those moments are so hard, and they come for the rest of the time we are on this earth. There are always moments of missing that will come and wash over us. Even years later.
ReplyDeleteLove and Prayers for you...
(((Hugs))) and Prayers for you! May the Lord wrap His arms around you and bring you great comfort and peace that only He can give! Thanks for sharing your sweet Lilly with us!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Karen
I agree completely with Kelly about the saying. The version you posted is so much better than the one I usually hear!
ReplyDeleteHolidays can be so difficult. I pray that you are surrounded by loved ones who aren't afraid to remember Lilly out loud to you. And I hope that the time with your older two children away allowed you some special time with the one who stayed home. It's not an easy job to "be there" for your children when your own heart is hurting so much.
Hugs and blessings to you, Elena.
Kim
I like the saying the frame you were given, and agree with previous commenters that I like this version much better.
ReplyDeleteHolidays are hard. I love being around friends and family but the reminder that our little one isn't there too can be painful.
Thinking of you and Lilly today!
Visiting from Walking With You. And I also LOVE that quote! Praying that you will have some easier "moments" this week.
ReplyDelete