Today has been a rather interesting day. I've been trying to rid myself of this fever with no other symptoms other than just that a fever but yet I felt compelled to post this. Forgive me if I jump around a lot tonight. During my pregnancy with Lilly I watched a lot of movies. One of which was "A Walk to Remember" amazing movie, so romantic. I was thinking of watching this movie today and guess what it was actually on. It was in the middle of the movie when I came across it, but it was one that I've always loved and watched numerous times while pregnant with Lilly. The ending is so touching when the guy says her love is like the wind, you can not see it but you can feel it so you know it exists (well not in those exact words of course). I just love the amount of faith portrayed in this movie even amidst the whole story that unfolds. I will not ruin it for those who have not seen the movie but wish to someday.
I also love to watch the TV show "Army Wives" which now after losing Lilly has hit closer to home as one of the moms has lost their child and one of the recently pregnant mothers has just lost her baby in the first trimester. During the episode the mom who suffers the loss does not cry until later on in the show and during that moment I am thinking she needed that, but she cried when she was ready. The Mother's Day episode hit really close to home, which is a good thing I watched it that Tuesday instead of on the actual day.
The next episode was previewed tonight and one of the other mothers is about to reveal she is pregnant and the voice over says "how do you share joy, when a friend is mourning the loss of her child" Now, I've seen this preview twice before but for some reason those words just made me lose it and I cried so hard. I cried because it is close to home. My best friend who has basically become my sister, Alanna announced her pregnancy to me not long after Dx-day and to even think that her joy would be overshadowed by our news and what we were expecting makes my heart hurt. I was excited for her news, and I want her to be excited. She knew I would be and I would have felt the same way she did had our positions been reversed. I would never want someone to suffer the loss of a child and that is why I can not be jealous of her. She is actually having a girl as well, the only one pregnant around me who seems to be having a girl :). If someone close to me had to have a girl, I am glad its her.
Alanna has been one of my GREATEST supporters even without having been through the loss of a child, she understands me and when I cry she just lets me cry. She also allows me to talk about Lilly as often as I can and she mentions Lilly all the time to me. She and I have not always seen eye to eye and we've had a lot of aggree to disagree moments which were both very grateful that we are able to do so. We also plan on eventually posting more in depth how our relationship has been since our losing Lilly. I say "our" because she lost Lilly too. Lilly is and always will be her niece. She was such a great aunt to Lilly.
Finally, tonight I want to end with a clip of another movie I came across while pregnant with Lilly. She and I spent many a late night watching movies. "Yes Man" was the movie that I am referring to and the clip I am including is one that made me laugh the hardest and loudest during my pregnancy with Lilly. Please do not get me wrong, I laughed a lot with Lilly but this scene just made me laugh so hard and I am so thankful to have this moment as a memory as it was such a happy moment (among many) to have shared with Lilly.
Please scroll down to the bottom to pause the music player before watching the clip.