Friday, May 28, 2010

3 month mark #2

Today there was a calm over me for the most part. I felt at peace for most of the day. I could not help but laugh and smile. There were tears of course, but joyful tears if that makes sense. I miss Lilly, but today I felt she was with me. Its amazing how I feel she is with us especially during the times where I am having difficulty keeping it together. On these days I like to reflect on the few memories we have of her. They seem so clear on these days, as sometimes I feel the memories are slipping away and I am afraid I'll lose them forever.

For her funeral, we dressed her in yellow. We were shopping for her outfit the day before her service and the dress stood out to me. I wasn't sure it was going to fit her being that it was a 0-3 month size dress. Thankfully my husband talked me into getting it and it fit her perfectly! Every day I pass this dress shop and the mannequin's dresses are changed at least weekly if not more. They've been the same all week and today all the dresses were new and YELLOW!!! I almost walked in there to buy one of the dresses.
We ordered the flowers for Lilly the morning of her graveside service and we wanted lilies for obvious reasons. Turns out the flower shop had just ONE open lily. Guess what color it was? YELLOW!!!! And the day before Lilly's service, my husband and father in law went to order a blown up picture of Lilly the examples for sizes to choose from had a picture of a lily on them. I realize lilies are very common flowers, but I think she was with us then too.

We didn't plan it but we all ended up wearing something pink to the funeral. It started with my husband's tie. He had chosen a tie with little light pink roses as a design on the tie. I wanted to match him. I wore black of course, but my top was a more pinkish fuchsia. From our children to our parents, each of us wore something pink. The funny thing was that Lilly was in yellow, so we weren't matching, but it was nice that it worked out the way it did. Its so amazing how things work out.

Another memory I would like to share is when Jim and I dressed Lilly for her graveside service. We each put on one of her shoes, and low and behold I put the left shoe on her right foot. I have done that to each and every one of my children, even Lilly. It is so nice to have that as a memory. I can not tell you how much it means to me.

Today, I reflect back on the time we had with Lilly and how amazingly joyous it was! It still is joyous to remember. Its just sad that she is not here with us, but at the same time she is with our Lord and I can't be sad for her. Just miss her!


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