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Monday, May 10, 2010

My special day

I just wanted to post about my first Mother's Day without Lilly here with me physically. I say "physically" because I believe she is in Heaven and is always with us. Being back at work, I had been too busy to even think about Mother's Day. I didn't realize it was this Sunday until last week when someone approached me and said they were thinking of me. There had been reminders everywhere, I just didn't retain that it was this Sunday.

I woke up to breakfast in bed. My husband cooked pancakes, put them in the middle of the plate and used slices of bologna to make a smiley face (the pancakes were the nose). I wish I had taken a picture, but it is forever imprinted in my memory. Each of our children brought part of the breakfast in. One brought the plate, the other my juice, and finally my butter (to put on the pancakes). My hubby said he would leave me to put butter on my pancakes cause he knows how I am about butter (I put lots of it on everything! so healthy I know).

It was a day spent relaxing and I wasn't allowed to even clean. Just rest and spend time with my children. I did leave to spend time at the cemetery where Lilly's body is buried and I prayed the rosary. It was so peaceful and serene. I had a gift card for Starbucks (thank you sweetie!, you know who you are) and I ended up buying two frappacinnos (they were half off for happy hour from 3-5pm til the 16th of May). They ran out of whip cream so I got a free cookie instead.

I know that most thought I would be sad this day...but Mother's day was just a reminder that I am blessed to be a mother to FOUR wonderful (each in their own way) amazingly beautiful children. I could be sad that I wasn't able to hold Lilly or pick her up or sit or play with all four children. But I just couldn't see what I didn't have, because Lilly was with me yesterday, and always. Just not in the physical sense. Sometimes of course that is not enough, but sometimes it really is enough to know that she is still with me.

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