Eventually rationale sets in and I am calm. Just not at this moment. It just really upset me. I feel it would be wrong to betray any confidences just because I am angry, therefore I won't go into any details. I realize that it may seem rather petty being that I got to take Lilly home so how dare I get upset over such trivial things. I guess I am upset because I felt somewhat robbed of this particular desire. As much as I feel that this wasn't fair. It was more unfair that my baby girl was not going to live long.
She was alive that's what mattered most in those moments, all six of us were here together for a little while. In the end everything came together and it worked out. And being angry doesn't solve anything or change anything. Do I wish certain occurrences had not happen, of course. But nothing will change it and the BIG picture is Lilly was here, regardless of how long. She was here and a part of us all.
I do not forget this. I have made it a point to go with how I feel so I will say for the time being I am angry. Who knows how I will feel seconds, minutes, hours, days from now. But right now I am angry. I feel I have a right to be. I realize plain and simple, I am just angry.
You have every right to be angry. I absolutely hate that something associated with my daughter has brought so much anger and bitterness, but I think it's part of the grief and just shows how much love you have for your baby in the end. Embrace the anger! It sucks when it's there, but I think we're all allowed to just BE when those times come. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that there is an incident that provokes your anger. When I think about my NILMDTS photographer and what we had to deal with with her it makes me angry. Even though I know I should be so grateful for the pictures that we have from her. Sometimes we just need to feel the emotion even though we know better.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately anger is part of this process. I am almost 7 months into this and I still angry at things that happened while I carried her, the day she born and so on. People will never understand it and that is ok. Don't hold back, allow yourself to feel, scream or cry. ((HUGS))
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