To read previous posts on Walking With You, please click here: Walking With You.
Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. We are a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child. We gather together from different places on our journey, each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength.
I do not blame God, nor am I angry with Him. I cannot be. Everything surrounding Lilly's life was positive and good. God is positive and good. I do not wish to associate any animosity or negative feelings with Lilly's life because there was so much good that came from her short time here with us. Getting angry at God will not bring my baby girl back to me. And I need to be able to lean on God, I cannot do that if I am angry with Him. Now I just need to hold fast to the hope that I will one day be reunited with Lilly in Our Lord's Kingdom. I feel God blessed us with Lilly. I cannot overlook the fact that He has bestowed many blessings in many forms throughout the course of my life. I feel to reject Him means that I reject my daughter's spirit, and the hope of one day joining her when the time is right.
The hardest thing to face about my loss is I can not hold her whenever I want to. The milestones I'll miss out on with her. From her first steps, to her first day of school, to graduation, and her wedding. I can not hear her voice change from cooing sounds to sentences. I'll never know what she would have looked like throughout the stages of life. I'll always wonder, but I'll never know.