Monday, April 19, 2010

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too PRECIOUS to forget!"

I feel that no parent should be told to "move on" or "life goes on" regardless the intention its like telling them to forget their child. We are so obviously reminded that life goes on in the fact that the world keeps spinning, moments keep happening, some of us like me have living children to take care of. That being said, please don't remind us of that FACT. We know that life carries on whether anyone lives or dies, it is the natural way of things, but we really don't need to be reminded of that as we are so constantly reminded just being here, surviving our children. I am surprised at how many people pass judgments on parents who have lost children. Its barely been 2 months since Lilly passed and I've already had several people tell me to "move on" or that I have to still do things and carry on. I've had people tell me "you have 3 living children to keep you busy" regardless of their intention NONE of my children are replaceable. I know these people don't really know what to say and want to help in any way they can, so I try not to hold it against anyone. Also when faced with these comments I tell them its ok for me to miss Lilly, I am always going to miss her, I am always going to have good days and hard days. And that's ok. What can they really say to that? They can't really try and talk me out of grieving for my child. Just remember that we as surviving parents are in PAIN, a part of us always will be, and that is ok.

I copied this off Jessica Szydelko's memorial webpage.

Jessica Szydelko was born asleep on June 17, 2005

"I'm going to tell you something I hope you'll never have to know. I'll tell you how a heart can break & tears can constant flow. I lost my baby girl you see, an Angel in my eyes. God chose to take her hand one day & led her to the skies. But please do not forget my child she was a person too, And forever she will live inside of me & you. So, please don't ever tell me that time will heal my pain, Because not even time can bring her back again. Just tell me she is happy in that land way up above. She's snuggled in an Angel's wings all wrapped in her mummy's love"

I took this off a mother's blog that I am following. I hope she doesn't mind, but she said it perfectly. Her blog link is attached. She is a wonderful woman, with a lot of strength.

"If there is one truth in all of this, it is that once you have lost a child (or your dreams of a child) regardless of how long you had them with you, a part of you dies. That doesn't mean you stop living or that you don't appreciate what you have. It doesn't mean you never see the beauty in life around you, or that you refuse to go on to spite the world. It means just what it means, that a part of you dies, and as that part dies off, other parts of you are born, and somewhere along the way you try to mesh the two and find your new place in a world that you never wanted to know existed, and that is not something that you can do according to anyone else's timetable."

I completely agree. A piece of my heart is gone. That piece of my heart will ALWAYS be broken. And can NEVER be replaced, or fixed, or healed. And I don't want it to. I'm not going to forget my daughter. 2 months or YEARS from now she will always be a part of me, of our family. She doesn't have to be remembered by others, were not asking them to remember her. But don't tell us we need to forget or "move on" or "get over it" This is a LIFE were talking about, not insignificant like falling and scraping our knees.

As Long As I Live You Will Live
As Long As I Live You Will Be Remembered
As Long As I Live You Will Be Loved..


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